Yanceyville bovine faces charges
Guest column by Marti Mikles
Last week while I was working on mending fences after my cattle herd broke out, I imagined the following scenario:
LOUISA, VA (AP). In an unusual high-profile case, the roving band of bovines known as Ma Barker and her gang were indicted today on multiple charges in connection with a series of break-ins in the Yanceyville area in Louisa County, VA. Ma Barker also known as Jolene due to her propensity for taking bulls away from other cows just because she can, appeared in court this morning with chains around her hoofs. She defiantly but contentedly chewed her cud throughout her court appearance. The courtroom at times seemed more like a barnyard with moos, oinks, and bleating sounds, and Ma Barker’s supporters holding up signs reading “Eat More Chikin.”
Ma’s son Junior, a 1-year-old Hereford-Holstein-Angus cross, had to be restrained from running to his mother. He is being charged as an adult, but his court-appointed attorney, Ima Hogg, called that “a lot of bull,” noting that his mother Ma still nurses him.
After hours of deliberation, and hearing testimony from the animal warden, the grand jury indicted Ma Barker and her gang on charges including trespassing, unlawful assembly on a major road, breaking and entering other farms, stealing grass, vandalizing fences, and in short, being a major public nuisance. This is the first time Ma Barker has appeared in court, but obviously she takes after her mother, the infamous Daisy Mae AKA The Houdini Holstein who was well-known in the Yanceyville area for leaping over fences, opening gates, and was even seen jumping over the moon on one occasion.
A court trial is set for later on this month.