GUEST COLUMN: Thoughts from the Crossroads

Although the official 2020 Tokyo Summer Olympics are over, medals are just now being awarded in the Schupp household for their personal Olympic competitions. Without further ado, below are the categories and results.

Zoomies. In this category, both Hallie and Bella run faster and more consistently than their old and slow parental units. Little show-offs! Hallie specializes in Zoomies after she uses the litter box and won the silver medal accordingly. But the showstopper in this category goes to young Bella for her 5 a.m. Zoomies. She tears through the house, stopping short in the master bedroom with a mighty meow. Which is cat language for “Get up, Mom and Dad!” Please note the newly awakened (and grumpy) humans threw both her and her gold medal unceremoniously out into the hallway and shut the bedroom door firmly behind her.

Box sitting. With only two contenders in this category, both feline, competition was fierce. Any empty box left on the floor is fought over. But the gold medal goes to Hallie for managing to fit into the smallest box, unmindful of the fact that portions of her body overflowed. When interviewed by “Cat Magazine,” Hallie modestly claimed “If it fits, I sits.” 

Dusting. No medals were awarded in this category due to lack of participation or interest of all household members. However, an Honorable Mention was given to Bella for walking behind the water softener in the basement and cleaning out a few cobwebs on her whiskers.  

Bed hogging. This category resulted in a tie for the gold between Hallie and Bella. Although they are relatively small compared to their humans, each cat manages to effectively spread out over almost half of a king-size bed. Their feeble-minded humans wake up clinging to a tiny sliver of the bed.

Using the TV remote. Thanks to opposable thumbs, Rick and I tied for the silver medal. But the gold goes to Hallie for her innate ability to step on the remote and change channels during a pivotal moment in a movie, thereby wreaking havoc on her humans’ theatrical experience. Bonus points awarded for her ability to look totally innocent afterwards.

Ignoring. Without a doubt, Hallie and Bella both win the gold in this category. No one can ignore you like a cat can. At least, until they want something! Then they are all snuggles and purrs.

So there you have it! The Summer Olympics results in the Schupp household. Stay tuned for the upcoming 2022 Winter Olympics, for exciting categories like Stair Running, Tail Chasing, and Napping. 

Laura Schupp resides in Zion Crossroads with her husband Rick and two cats. She would love to hear from you at hallielaura@gmail.com.

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