Dear Readers, we have several Alexa devices set up throughout our home, and use them constantly. A recent guest asked us if we weren’t worried that someone was listening in to all of our conversations. He said he didn’t want that for his own home, because then the government could have an easy window into his privacy. That conversation got me to thinking. It is certainly true that Alexa listens to everything said. She has to, to know when her name is mentioned, so she can respond accordingly. But what if the CIA is actually listening in at the Schupp household? How would that go? Well, read on for my imagination taking hold and runnning!

CIA Agent: Boss, I’ve listened to the Schupps for a few weeks now. Please PLEASE give me another assignment! I’m begging you!

CIA Boss: What do you mean?

CIA Agent: Well, for one thing, they ask Alexa what time it is a dozen times a day. Can’t they just look at their phone like a normal person? And I can hear clocks inside their home chiming all day long, why can’t they just look at one of them? Jeez! Besides, aren’t they retired?

Why do they care what time it is, anyway?

CIA Boss: Well, okay. But surely they talk about other, more interesting topics?

CIA Agent: You would think so, wouldn’t you? They’ve said a thousand times: “How did we ever have time to work?” So apparently they have plenty to do. But they leave the house to do the interesting stuff, and I’m left in the dark. Maybe we can tap in and listen through the GPS navigation screen in their cars?

CIA Boss: Don’t worry, we are working on that angle. We would’ve had it sooner, but we put all our efforts into getting the chips into people through the Covid vaccines.

CIA Agent: I will say that Mr. Schupp asks Alexa to play a lot of music, and a nice variety. Mostly older stuff, but with a good beat to it. Now his wife is another story. Every darn morning she wants “Good Morning Starshine” played. I think while she’s making the bed or something. Can’t she ever listen to anything else? Just shoot me! She does use a lot of timers, too. Every single day. For cooking, hanging up clothes from the dryer, that kind of thing. Just mindnumbing!

CIA Boss: Sounds pretty bad! I’m starting to wonder why these two are under surveillance in the first place? The only danger from them, is that they might bore people to death.

CIA Agent: I will say, when the Artemis II space launch happened, they did ask Alexa some intelligent questions about that. Miracles do happen! But I also heard them laughing a lot about the space toilet. So they are not only boring, but their humor is sophomoric too.

CIA Boss: How juvenile! CIA Agent: And they both ask about the temperature or the forecast all the time as well. The repetition is wearing me out, I tell you!

CIA Boss: Well, they do have company fairly often.

Maybe we’ll get lucky and learn some good stuff from those people. In the meantime, I’m sorry, but you’re the low man on the totem pole. So you’ll continue surveilling the Schupps.

CIA Agent: Great. Another day listening to those two weirdos talking to their cats. I gotta find a better job!

So there you have it, how I imagine the CIA listening to our household through Alexa. We know our cell phones listen to us too. All you have to do is mention having a tree trimmed, and you get a bunch of ads for tree trimming services! It’s too late to turn back from AI now, folks. Skynet is coming!

Laura lives in Zion Crossroads with her husband, two cats and numerous Alexas. She can be reached at hallielaura@gmail.com.